yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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