so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
