I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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