even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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