Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
