about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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