My balls are so social today.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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