He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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