Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Found the puke drawer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
