i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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