Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I could make wine with my vomit
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
