Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
im on a boat
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