Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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