ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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