I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
