well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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