listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
