Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize