My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
