He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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