i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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