It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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