dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
