he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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