i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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