Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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