No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
