I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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