hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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