My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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