i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
