Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
