Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i think i just lost a toe
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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