My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
