life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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