Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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