I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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