it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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