I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
