if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
