I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she pinky promised me she was 18
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
