yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
