Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
