I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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