Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
