I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
