Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
