I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
