I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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