We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
