Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
