My first STD was from a foam party
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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