I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
