She said her name was "party"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
