I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
