Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
