update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
