my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
