I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
