Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
