i was rollin on her like bob the builder
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
