yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
