watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize