my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
