I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
