Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
