I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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