I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
