i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize