i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
